Honestly, Drowning. I was drowning. I could feel it getting worse and worse and eventually got to the point where I had completely shut down. I kept telling people I was fine, going on through my day as if I was my typical happy self. In the beginning of May, I lost my cousin and being basically an only child(my siblings could be my parents lol.), I’ve always enjoyed and appreciated my relationships with my cousins, they’ve taught me things, protected me, and have always made me feel special, which I will forever be thankful for. Losing him wasn’t easy for any of us and these last few months have not been my best at all, but losing someone I had some great memories with, someone who had just started a family, it was the icing on my cake. I continued to bury the pain I was feeling and it was making me worse. Other things have taken place over the last few months, which I will one day speak on when I’m ready, but for now I am breaking the ground with just acknowledging the fact I haven’t been happy for a while. I thought I couldn’t have any issues because I am so used to being there for everyone else, I’m the hero, the yes man, and it literally drove me up a wall that I couldn’t help myself as much as I help everyone else. However, one day, a really “down” day at that, I had a good friend of mine leave me an audio message reminding me of my worth, and you wanna know what I did? CRIED. and I cried HARD, because it took that one moment for someone think about me to make me realize, I AM ALLOWED TO NOT BE OKAY, I thought I had to hide my feelings because I was so worried about everyone being upset that I was upset, I lost my happy somewhere in between. I was reminded that people are willing to listen to me just as much as I listened to them and it was okay to let others know I am not feeling my best. My purpose is to help others, I know that, but I also now know that it’s okay for others to help me too. I may not be 100% but I promise you all I’m getting better and I promise you IT GETS BETTER. If you are not feeling yourself, it’s okay, when you’re ready, talk to someone. Thank you all who have checked on me, you don’t know how much it has meant to me. I will be getting back into the swing of blogging/vlogging, I promise! I will also be taking this journey with you all, because like I said, I know I’m here to help someone else and I will always tell my story to help someone in theirs. Feel free to comment, email, or DM as always, I’m still always here for you all as well!